Two months ago life as I knew it came crashing down, but today life seems to be getting back to normal.
I have started having more good days than bad and I find myself not thinking about it every second of the day.
I finally put away all of Lincoln's things and his scrapbook is finished. It gave me a sense of closure, but it was hard to put it all away. In a way, I felt guilty for putting his scrapbook on the shelf. I felt like I owed it to him to look at it everyday...so most days I still pull it out and look through it.
Just days after I came home from the hospital Mason lifted up my shirt, patted my belly and said, "All done." Now when you ask him where his baby Lincoln is he will point to the where we have his hand/foot molds and his ultrasound picture. Gosh, he would have been the sweetest big brother to his Lincoln...
I can finally talk to people about it without breaking down in tears and I have been amazed at how many other women have gone through something similar.
Truly humbled does not begin to explain how I have felt throughout this experience. I have been blessed with so many good people in my life. My family has been incredible! My mom brought us meals to last a lifetime, hung out with me at home for no other reason than I needed someone and took Mason so Brad and I could go out together. My brother Bob wrote the sweetest poem for me all about Lincoln and framed it for me. I have incredible friends. I cannot count the number of sweet cards, text messages, emails, etc. that I have received and I cannot express how much it has meant to me to have my friends just drop by and give us a meal or flowers. My ward has been phenomenal and I am so grateful for the kind gestures of so many women that I am lucky enough to sit next to in relief society every Sunday.
Most of all I am grateful for my amazing husband. He is my rock and has held me together the last few months. When we pray together at night he always thanks our Heavenly Father for the privilege we have of being Lincoln's parents, for trusting us with a perfect child. I couldn't have picked a better man to spend eternity with.
I have always known that the Gospel brings peace, but I have truly gained a testimony of the power of prayer more than ever before. I KNOW that Heavenly Father hears and answers our prayers. He is always there and always listening. I have truly felt peace and comfort in a way that words can never explain.
I have learned that life keeps going and time heals.
Mason will be 20 months old in just a few days and I can't believe it! We are finally almost to the point where I can tell people how old he is in years instead of months...20 months sounds silly to me.
He loves bath time, but loves to shower even more!
He likes to put his whole head under water and "swim."
Balls and airplanes are his two favorite things.
He is finally sleeping good through the night, in his own bed!
He can successfully walk down the stairs by himself while holding the banister.
His version of a somersault is a barrel roll and it cracks me up every time!
Before we eat any meal he folds his arms and waits for the prayer. He will keep his arms folded and his eyes closed the whole time and it melts my heart.
Anytime we drive by the Temple he yells at me and points to it. The other day as we drove by he put his hands on his chest, gasped and said, "Wow..."
He finally enjoys going to nursery.
Stranger danger? Yeah right. He is friendly to EVERYONE.
He can throw a ball in the air and hit it.
He can drop a ball and kick it before it hits the ground.
He is not a fan of kiwi or broccoli.
He loves putting his hands in his pockets.
He can show you where his eyes, ears, nose, mouth, tongue, teeth, hair, head, belly, belly button, bum, manhood, shoulders, armpits, arms, hands, fingers, feet and toes are.
He is learning new words and phrases at an alarming rate.
I don't know.
Grandma (mah-maw)
Grandpa (Papa)
No (instead of uh-uh)
Please
Horse
Belly
Eyes
What was that?
Fish
Shower
Happy
And my personal favorite, which makes absolutely no sense to me, whatsoever...when pointing to an elephant he will always say, "nan" and then make the elephant noise and move his arm like a trunk.
He loves animals.
He is quite the dancer...with no rhythm.
He loves to sing with me. When we sing the ABC's he tries so hard and sings, "E E E E I I I A A A O E E O O E A A C C E I I O C." I will sing "Hush Little Baby" to him an tickle his face at night so he has started singing it and tickling my face or his own. His favorite song, however, is Happy Birthday and he sings it at least once a day.
We are getting close to potty training because he will run and hide while doing his business and then immediately demand a diaper change. He begs to wear his big boy undies but I won't let him until he pees in the potty!
Brad has taught him to throw his head back and do an evil laugh. It is hilarious!
When something is funny he laughs and slaps his knee.
He loves ranch dressing, but is totally allergic to it.
He can successfully use a spoon to eat a bowl of cereal without making a mess.
He hates messy hands.
He would live outside if I let him.
When he sees birds he makes a kissy noise at them.
He tries to give all of his toys a drink from his sippy or a bite of whatever he is eating. He will even make chewing or drinking noises for them. Quite the imagination.
Some days I can get him to take a nap (usually 45 minutes) other days he doesn't need one. The best days are when he climbs on my lap and falls asleep in a matter of seconds.
He is a sleep talker.
He hates sitting in a shopping cart and usually just ends up helping me push the cart.
He still holds onto the collar of my shirt when he is getting tired.
When daddy comes home he goes running to open the door for him and jumps into his arms.
Brushing his teeth is his favorite activity.
He calls Grandma and daddy at least once a day to "chat."
Instead of actually saying "I love you" he will blow you a kiss.
I am blessed, so very blessed.
I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for blessing me with two sweet boys.
We feel heaven in our home.
